Wedding Fun or Taking it too Far?

After seeing it on facebook for a few days, I finally watched the video that so many have posted when a colleague of mine asked a question about it appropriateness in an e-mail forum:

Wedding Entrance Dance

My gut reaction is: How is this any different than the craziness that goes on at the reception at Orthodox (and ideally all Jewish) weddings during the reception? For those who don't know, some weddings just get crazy with jugglers, fire eaters, people doing acrobatic tricks and all other crazy things to entertain the bride and groom when they get too tired to dance.

After Rachel and I were in yichud (a momenet of calm and quiet after the ceremony where the bride and groom can just be together), we ran into the synagogue's social hall to kelzmer music, began to dance, and within 30 seconds our entire wedding party and half (if not more) our guests were on the dance floor with us. The 20 minutes of crazy dancing that followed were probably the 20 most unrestricted minutes of pure joy in my life.

You might say that, that is fine for the reception, but this was before the wedding. Well, once again, going to traditional Jewish practice, there is the custom known as the Grooms Tish, where all the men get together and the Groom tries to give a short lesson on the weekly Torah portion, but is interrupted by his friends and family making jokes, telling funny stories (not always family friendly ones!) and plying the Groom with scotch or other spirits. (The Bride in the meantime has what is called Kabbalat Panim - receiving of faces, where all the women gather and tell the bride how beautiful she is).

I did this as well at my wedding, but instead of segregating by gender, all of those who were at the wedding as my friends and family joined it, with all of Rachel's friends and family at the Kabbalat Panim. At the end of the Tish (at which point I was a tad tipsy), I was marched in with loud signing and dancing to the Kabbalat Panim where the band picked up on what we were singing and everyone joined in as I confirmed the identity of my bride and we signed the Ketubah (marriage contract).

From a rabbinic point of view, I am always glad to advise on processional and recessional and to give my opinion of what is traditional, but I always say I am in charge only while the Bride and Groom are under the chuppah (traditional Jewish wedding canopy). Anything before or after that is up to them as long as it neither directly contradicts the Jewish ceremony I am about to perform or have just performed, nor requires me to jump out of an airplane.

In November I will perform a ceremony in the St. Louis Planetarium where the entire wedding party (myself included) will be hidden behind a curtain on a platform. The whole room will go dark, and then as the stars come out the curtain will lift and the only additional light will be what I require to read the liturgy. It will be different, but I am looking forward to it.

Ultimately, a wedding should be an expression of joy, love and the unique union that each couple forms. I see my role as Rabbi as making sure that the proper ceremonies as dictated by Jewish law and custom are fulfilled and that the couple is prepared for the marriage that will follow.

I could see this working in a Jewish context with kelzmer music playing rather than the dance club music. As Rabbi in this situation I would do two things: a) I would be like the minister in the video, and just hang out on the bima and enjoy the show, and b) as I began the wedding I would remind people of the mixture of joy and solemnity that a wedding encompasses, and that we have reached that solemn point in the day - the point that allows for the joy and merriment we just witnessed.

As long as the couple takes seriously the vows they will be making and I am able to professionally discharge my duties, a wedding should capture the personality of the couple and the joy that they feel on that day.