After seeing it on facebook for a few days, I finally watched the video that so many have posted when a colleague of mine asked a question about it appropriateness in an e-mail forum:
Wedding Entrance Dance
My gut reaction is: How is this any different than the craziness that goes on at the reception at Orthodox (and ideally all Jewish) weddings during the reception? For those who don't know, some weddings just get crazy with jugglers, fire eaters, people doing acrobatic tricks and all other crazy things to entertain the bride and groom when they get too tired to dance.
After Rachel and I were in yichud (a momenet of calm and quiet after the ceremony where the bride and groom can just be together), we ran into the synagogue's social hall to kelzmer music, began to dance, and within 30 seconds our entire wedding party and half (if not more) our guests were on the dance floor with us. The 20 minutes of crazy dancing that followed were probably the 20 most unrestricted minutes of pure joy in my life.
You might say that, that is fine for the reception, but this was before the wedding. Well, once again, going to traditional Jewish practice, there is the custom known as the Grooms Tish, where all the men get together and the Groom tries to give a short lesson on the weekly Torah portion, but is interrupted by his friends and family making jokes, telling funny stories (not always family friendly ones!) and plying the Groom with scotch or other spirits. (The Bride in the meantime has what is called Kabbalat Panim - receiving of faces, where all the women gather and tell the bride how beautiful she is).
I did this as well at my wedding, but instead of segregating by gender, all of those who were at the wedding as my friends and family joined it, with all of Rachel's friends and family at the Kabbalat Panim. At the end of the Tish (at which point I was a tad tipsy), I was marched in with loud signing and dancing to the Kabbalat Panim where the band picked up on what we were singing and everyone joined in as I confirmed the identity of my bride and we signed the Ketubah (marriage contract).
From a rabbinic point of view, I am always glad to advise on processional and recessional and to give my opinion of what is traditional, but I always say I am in charge only while the Bride and Groom are under the chuppah (traditional Jewish wedding canopy). Anything before or after that is up to them as long as it neither directly contradicts the Jewish ceremony I am about to perform or have just performed, nor requires me to jump out of an airplane.
In November I will perform a ceremony in the St. Louis Planetarium where the entire wedding party (myself included) will be hidden behind a curtain on a platform. The whole room will go dark, and then as the stars come out the curtain will lift and the only additional light will be what I require to read the liturgy. It will be different, but I am looking forward to it.
Ultimately, a wedding should be an expression of joy, love and the unique union that each couple forms. I see my role as Rabbi as making sure that the proper ceremonies as dictated by Jewish law and custom are fulfilled and that the couple is prepared for the marriage that will follow.
I could see this working in a Jewish context with kelzmer music playing rather than the dance club music. As Rabbi in this situation I would do two things: a) I would be like the minister in the video, and just hang out on the bima and enjoy the show, and b) as I began the wedding I would remind people of the mixture of joy and solemnity that a wedding encompasses, and that we have reached that solemn point in the day - the point that allows for the joy and merriment we just witnessed.
As long as the couple takes seriously the vows they will be making and I am able to professionally discharge my duties, a wedding should capture the personality of the couple and the joy that they feel on that day.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Fast Food Judaism
This morning in my regular quick scan of the news I came upon this article.
The gist of the article is that there is a new service via Twitter that allows people to tweet prayers to someone who will print it out and place the prayer in the Western Wall.
For those who may be unaware, the Western Wall is the remnant of the retaining wall the surrounded the 2nd Temple In Jerusalem. Today it serves as the most sacred site for Jews. There is a tradition that if you place a written prayer in cracks in the wall, that it will receive special attention from God. As an aside the wall is cleaned out by the Rabbis who over see it 2 times a year and the prayers are buried according to Jewish custom.
Now I am among those who agree that there is something sacred about the Western Wall. I felt it the very first time I visited the site. My heart skipped when I saw it from afar and when I touched the stones I felt a fulfillment of the generations of my family returning to that place.
Through the year I spent in Israel, I visited many times, sometimes to see the scene, such as Tisha B'av, other times as a place for reflection or quiet conversation, and other times to fulfill the commandment of pilgrimage to the site (on Sukkot and Passover - I was not Israel during Shavuot). There is definitely something sacred about the site that is connected to the Jewish people's history, struggles and our unique relationship with God.
There is nothing sacred about Twitter. While I was impressed with how Twitter has served as an important conduit of information from Iran during the current political unrest, I find Twitter to be mostly junk, Facebook without the depth (and I find Facebook normally as deep as your average puddle). Its main use seems to be feeding celebrity narcissism and the transmission of irrelevant minutia between people.
Therefore, the idea of Tweeting a prayer to the western wall, strikes me as having the same shallowness as suggesting we can follow God on Twitter. I have always been skeptical about writing prayers for the Wall in general, but I see it as an idea that teaches the importance of the wall itself. In a teaching situation as well, having people wirte notes that will be physically carried to the wall by someone they know can impart a small portion of the feeling of the sacredness of the site to those who have never been there.
Twittering to the wall, however, I see as fast food Judaism. It may be tasty, but it is no where near as good as sitting down for a fine meal, and too much of it will harm your physical well being. The same is true for fast food Judaism. God is no more likely to hear your prayer on twitter than if you hold that prayer in your heart. It may satisfy some quick need, but it ultimately is detrimental to the true body of Judaism - that is community.
True prayer for Judaism can come at any time, but ultimately the place for payer in Judaism is in the context of a community. That is, in part, what makes the Western Wall such a sacred site, it is a gathering place where all Jews come together and have come together for 3000 years. When we suggest that the sacredness of a place can somehow be transmitted on-line by anonymous people sticking your computer printed message in the cracks of a wall, we cheapen what that place has meant to so many for so long.
The gist of the article is that there is a new service via Twitter that allows people to tweet prayers to someone who will print it out and place the prayer in the Western Wall.
For those who may be unaware, the Western Wall is the remnant of the retaining wall the surrounded the 2nd Temple In Jerusalem. Today it serves as the most sacred site for Jews. There is a tradition that if you place a written prayer in cracks in the wall, that it will receive special attention from God. As an aside the wall is cleaned out by the Rabbis who over see it 2 times a year and the prayers are buried according to Jewish custom.
Now I am among those who agree that there is something sacred about the Western Wall. I felt it the very first time I visited the site. My heart skipped when I saw it from afar and when I touched the stones I felt a fulfillment of the generations of my family returning to that place.
Through the year I spent in Israel, I visited many times, sometimes to see the scene, such as Tisha B'av, other times as a place for reflection or quiet conversation, and other times to fulfill the commandment of pilgrimage to the site (on Sukkot and Passover - I was not Israel during Shavuot). There is definitely something sacred about the site that is connected to the Jewish people's history, struggles and our unique relationship with God.
There is nothing sacred about Twitter. While I was impressed with how Twitter has served as an important conduit of information from Iran during the current political unrest, I find Twitter to be mostly junk, Facebook without the depth (and I find Facebook normally as deep as your average puddle). Its main use seems to be feeding celebrity narcissism and the transmission of irrelevant minutia between people.
Therefore, the idea of Tweeting a prayer to the western wall, strikes me as having the same shallowness as suggesting we can follow God on Twitter. I have always been skeptical about writing prayers for the Wall in general, but I see it as an idea that teaches the importance of the wall itself. In a teaching situation as well, having people wirte notes that will be physically carried to the wall by someone they know can impart a small portion of the feeling of the sacredness of the site to those who have never been there.
Twittering to the wall, however, I see as fast food Judaism. It may be tasty, but it is no where near as good as sitting down for a fine meal, and too much of it will harm your physical well being. The same is true for fast food Judaism. God is no more likely to hear your prayer on twitter than if you hold that prayer in your heart. It may satisfy some quick need, but it ultimately is detrimental to the true body of Judaism - that is community.
True prayer for Judaism can come at any time, but ultimately the place for payer in Judaism is in the context of a community. That is, in part, what makes the Western Wall such a sacred site, it is a gathering place where all Jews come together and have come together for 3000 years. When we suggest that the sacredness of a place can somehow be transmitted on-line by anonymous people sticking your computer printed message in the cracks of a wall, we cheapen what that place has meant to so many for so long.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Centrist politics
I have been away for a couple weeks, but now I am back to do more blogging.
I will resume with a short post about politics. I saw this post on another blog and I found myself agreeing with much of it (although I will dispute some of the historical interpretation in the blog):
http://strata-sphere.com/blog/index.php/archives/9955
Basically it is form a centrist-right perspective and it makes the point that the Democrats are over reaching to the liberal side as much as the Republicans had been over reaching to the conservative side. Ultimately the author says there are good ideas on both sides of the aisle, but the demand for party purity (especially on the right in my interpretation) bars otherwise fair minded politicians from using or accepting those good ideas.
Ultimately I would love to see the rise of a true centrist party that respects individual liberties and demands individual responsibility while still supporting a safety net to assist those in our nation who have temporarily found themselves in a difficult position along with those who are unable to support themselves due to disability (physical or mental). Such a party could actually make some progress for America.
I will resume with a short post about politics. I saw this post on another blog and I found myself agreeing with much of it (although I will dispute some of the historical interpretation in the blog):
http://strata-sphere.com/blog/index.php/archives/9955
Basically it is form a centrist-right perspective and it makes the point that the Democrats are over reaching to the liberal side as much as the Republicans had been over reaching to the conservative side. Ultimately the author says there are good ideas on both sides of the aisle, but the demand for party purity (especially on the right in my interpretation) bars otherwise fair minded politicians from using or accepting those good ideas.
Ultimately I would love to see the rise of a true centrist party that respects individual liberties and demands individual responsibility while still supporting a safety net to assist those in our nation who have temporarily found themselves in a difficult position along with those who are unable to support themselves due to disability (physical or mental). Such a party could actually make some progress for America.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Marching with Pride
This past Sunday I had the unique experience of representing my congregation in the St. Louis Pride parade in the south grand neighborhood of the city. The Pride parade is a celebration of identity and culture by the homosexual community and my participation was with a large group of clergy and congregational representatives called Holy Ground, a loose coalition of congregations of many faiths that are open to homosexuals.
I was impressed (but not surprised) by the festive mood of the entire event. But I was especially impressed by the turnout of the religious community, in particular my fellow Jewish congregations. The media love to paint issues such as gay rights in black and white terms, saying that "religious people" oppose gay rights. The scene on Sunday showed that impression to be very far from the truth.
Most of the non-orthodox Jewish congregations in St. Louis were represented. It made me consider why Jews, at least progressive minded ones, are in general not just open minded when it comes to issues involving homosexuality, but that we are willing to march in such a clearly identifiable way.
Obviously the Exodus narrative that forms the base of our identity as Jews calls us to seek out justice and equality for all people, that was fully on display in the 1960's civil rights demonstrations and marches. But I think there is something deeper that draws non-orthodox Jews and the homosexual community together.
As Jews in America, we must make a conscious decision to identify ourselves publicly as Jews. It will never be a part of our ID cards, on our passports, or in any official document outside of the anonymous long form census questionable. In other words, it is easy for Jews to ignore or supreme who they are and to reject the legacy that is ours by birth. Of course many Jews do choose this path.
The same is true in many ways for the homosexual community. Just as Jews, in general, do not look any different than the majority population, the homosexual community does not look any different either. Therefore the declare oneself as a homosexual is an act of identification, of accepting what has been given to you at birth, and there is the option of denying who you are (although it is much more psychologically damaging for a homosexual to deny who he or she is than it is for a Jew to do the same).
Therefore each group, homosexuals and Jews, have the ability to either embrace or deny who they are. An event like pride gives homosexuals the ability to do that and to be surrounded by an accepting and caring community. As a heterosexual Jew, I felt the event gave me the opportunity to proclaim my support for the homosexual community not just in a general way, but in a way that allowed me to identify myself with my own community of Jews as well.
I was impressed (but not surprised) by the festive mood of the entire event. But I was especially impressed by the turnout of the religious community, in particular my fellow Jewish congregations. The media love to paint issues such as gay rights in black and white terms, saying that "religious people" oppose gay rights. The scene on Sunday showed that impression to be very far from the truth.
Most of the non-orthodox Jewish congregations in St. Louis were represented. It made me consider why Jews, at least progressive minded ones, are in general not just open minded when it comes to issues involving homosexuality, but that we are willing to march in such a clearly identifiable way.
Obviously the Exodus narrative that forms the base of our identity as Jews calls us to seek out justice and equality for all people, that was fully on display in the 1960's civil rights demonstrations and marches. But I think there is something deeper that draws non-orthodox Jews and the homosexual community together.
As Jews in America, we must make a conscious decision to identify ourselves publicly as Jews. It will never be a part of our ID cards, on our passports, or in any official document outside of the anonymous long form census questionable. In other words, it is easy for Jews to ignore or supreme who they are and to reject the legacy that is ours by birth. Of course many Jews do choose this path.
The same is true in many ways for the homosexual community. Just as Jews, in general, do not look any different than the majority population, the homosexual community does not look any different either. Therefore the declare oneself as a homosexual is an act of identification, of accepting what has been given to you at birth, and there is the option of denying who you are (although it is much more psychologically damaging for a homosexual to deny who he or she is than it is for a Jew to do the same).
Therefore each group, homosexuals and Jews, have the ability to either embrace or deny who they are. An event like pride gives homosexuals the ability to do that and to be surrounded by an accepting and caring community. As a heterosexual Jew, I felt the event gave me the opportunity to proclaim my support for the homosexual community not just in a general way, but in a way that allowed me to identify myself with my own community of Jews as well.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Cult of Celebrity
On the same day that Israel was remembering the third anniversary of the kidnapping of Soldier Gilad Shalit (with his potential release coming we pray), the US Supreme Court handed down a near unanimous decision that could be seen as a rebuke of no-tolerance policies at schools and the environmental debate took more definite shape in congress, the major headline in every newspaper was the death of Michael Jackson, with the second story the death of Farrah Fawcett (if you want to link to those last two just go to any news webiste you like, it will be far more prominent than any of the above stories, the last of which I really had to look for).
Of course in our celebrity obsessed culture of today, I would have to be extremely out of touch or just plain naive to think that those three very important stories would garner even close to the amount of press of the Fawcett and Jackson deaths, especially when there's a good sex scandal going on in the South Carolina's Governors office (another "family values" politician with a mistress on the side).
Celebrity deaths are often cultural milestones. Whether the death of a popular politician such as JFK, a superstar athlete like Roberto Clemente, or an international superstar like Elvis Presley, the death touches people far beyond the close family and friends of the individual.
Especially in the case of Michael Jackson, I understand that celebrities, especially those who give of their actual talents, weave their way into our lives in a manner that is very different than the important events that I started with. For me, Michael Jackson was an established star by the time I was 5, but it was when I was 8 and 9 years old that his fame exploded into international superstar status. It was right at the time that I was becoming aware of music and the impact that it could have on me. Music has remained an important part of my life since then, and some of my early non-Sesame Street musical memories involve Michael Jackson.
I admit that when I returned home last night and sat down for dinner (Ari and Rachel had eaten earlier), I didn't turn to ESPN or the sit-com re-runs on TBS as I normally would. But I voluntarily turned to MTV for the first time in well over a decade. Then I quickly realized why that was the case and went to E! One thing that stuck me, while not surprising me, was the number of people who were not just gathered near the UCLA medical center, but the ones who were openly weeping as well.
I tried to think of what current non-political celebrity would cause me, an almost 35 year old Rabbi, father, husband to join in such a spontaneous demonstration (I say non political because, God forbid, the assassination of President Obama or Prime Minister Netanyahu would send me out in a heartbeat).
I really couldn't think of one. If I were old enough at the time, I might have gone out for John Lennon, and maybe even Elvis. But despite his impact on my early musical tastes, I wouldn't have even considered it for Michael Jackson. The only one I could think of is if, once again God forbid, something tragic happened to Albert Pujols assuming I still lived in St. Louis (no immediate plans to leave). But even then, I'm not sure why.
So what is it that inspires people to join an assembly such as the one at UCLA yesterday for a person such as Michael Jackson? I suspect it is the same urge that compels people to watch disgusting voyeuristic TV shows such as TMZ and Access Hollywood. There is a cult of celebrity in our culture that creates a feeling that if we somehow attach ourselves to a celebrity (or sports team, or politician even) that it enriches our lives in some way. In most cases, I suspect such attachments ultimately leave us more empty than anything else. But like a drug that creates a high before a crash, the feeling of enrichment is just the same.
I do not mean to trivialize the life of Michael Jackson which was at the same time a charmed and tragic life, nor would I suggest that the lives of celebrities are not worthwhile, because all life is sacred. But ultimately we are all equal before God. While we do not know what lies beyond the grave, my faith tells me that we do answer for our inability to live up to what is best in ourselves, no matter how famous or obscure were were in our lives.
Of course in our celebrity obsessed culture of today, I would have to be extremely out of touch or just plain naive to think that those three very important stories would garner even close to the amount of press of the Fawcett and Jackson deaths, especially when there's a good sex scandal going on in the South Carolina's Governors office (another "family values" politician with a mistress on the side).
Celebrity deaths are often cultural milestones. Whether the death of a popular politician such as JFK, a superstar athlete like Roberto Clemente, or an international superstar like Elvis Presley, the death touches people far beyond the close family and friends of the individual.
Especially in the case of Michael Jackson, I understand that celebrities, especially those who give of their actual talents, weave their way into our lives in a manner that is very different than the important events that I started with. For me, Michael Jackson was an established star by the time I was 5, but it was when I was 8 and 9 years old that his fame exploded into international superstar status. It was right at the time that I was becoming aware of music and the impact that it could have on me. Music has remained an important part of my life since then, and some of my early non-Sesame Street musical memories involve Michael Jackson.
I admit that when I returned home last night and sat down for dinner (Ari and Rachel had eaten earlier), I didn't turn to ESPN or the sit-com re-runs on TBS as I normally would. But I voluntarily turned to MTV for the first time in well over a decade. Then I quickly realized why that was the case and went to E! One thing that stuck me, while not surprising me, was the number of people who were not just gathered near the UCLA medical center, but the ones who were openly weeping as well.
I tried to think of what current non-political celebrity would cause me, an almost 35 year old Rabbi, father, husband to join in such a spontaneous demonstration (I say non political because, God forbid, the assassination of President Obama or Prime Minister Netanyahu would send me out in a heartbeat).
I really couldn't think of one. If I were old enough at the time, I might have gone out for John Lennon, and maybe even Elvis. But despite his impact on my early musical tastes, I wouldn't have even considered it for Michael Jackson. The only one I could think of is if, once again God forbid, something tragic happened to Albert Pujols assuming I still lived in St. Louis (no immediate plans to leave). But even then, I'm not sure why.
So what is it that inspires people to join an assembly such as the one at UCLA yesterday for a person such as Michael Jackson? I suspect it is the same urge that compels people to watch disgusting voyeuristic TV shows such as TMZ and Access Hollywood. There is a cult of celebrity in our culture that creates a feeling that if we somehow attach ourselves to a celebrity (or sports team, or politician even) that it enriches our lives in some way. In most cases, I suspect such attachments ultimately leave us more empty than anything else. But like a drug that creates a high before a crash, the feeling of enrichment is just the same.
I do not mean to trivialize the life of Michael Jackson which was at the same time a charmed and tragic life, nor would I suggest that the lives of celebrities are not worthwhile, because all life is sacred. But ultimately we are all equal before God. While we do not know what lies beyond the grave, my faith tells me that we do answer for our inability to live up to what is best in ourselves, no matter how famous or obscure were were in our lives.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Can we ban reality TV now that it is proven to destroy marriages?
I've never watched an episode of "John and Kate Plus 8" until Rachel and I had it on in the background last night (I was heavily involved in beating my high score on Bejeweled Blitz). I of course saw the headlines and as an avid fan of "The Soup" I knew some of the back story leading to the tensions between the couple.
It amazes me the circus that now surrounds this family. Even more amazing to me is that the couple/non couple suggest that their celebrity is not desire. You can see more in this article:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090623/ap_en_ce/us_tv_jon___kate_split
If the attention was unwanted, and the pressure so great on them, why then did being on TV trump their commitment to each other and to their kids? Why is a family like this willing to put such personal, private struggles on such public display? Of course we know that people are voyeuristic by nature, so we know why such a show is so popular.
The amazing thing is that, by my count, this one TV show has now ruined more marriages than legalized same gender marriage. In fact if you watch the landscape of reality TV, from the horrible "Who wants to Marry a Multi-millionaire" to "Temptation Island" to shows like "Bridezillas" it seems that there is a large segment of the entertainment industry that is out to mock and trivialize marriage instead of recognizing it as a sacred moment in two people's lives.
Yet many of the same people who create, produce and consume these shows buy the idea that legalized same-gender marriage causes harm to the insitution of marriage. Obviously the only things that can dammage any marriage are selfish acts, lack of consideration for one's partner and a filure to communicate, things that can happen to any marriage.
It amazes me the circus that now surrounds this family. Even more amazing to me is that the couple/non couple suggest that their celebrity is not desire. You can see more in this article:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090623/ap_en_ce/us_tv_jon___kate_split
If the attention was unwanted, and the pressure so great on them, why then did being on TV trump their commitment to each other and to their kids? Why is a family like this willing to put such personal, private struggles on such public display? Of course we know that people are voyeuristic by nature, so we know why such a show is so popular.
The amazing thing is that, by my count, this one TV show has now ruined more marriages than legalized same gender marriage. In fact if you watch the landscape of reality TV, from the horrible "Who wants to Marry a Multi-millionaire" to "Temptation Island" to shows like "Bridezillas" it seems that there is a large segment of the entertainment industry that is out to mock and trivialize marriage instead of recognizing it as a sacred moment in two people's lives.
Yet many of the same people who create, produce and consume these shows buy the idea that legalized same-gender marriage causes harm to the insitution of marriage. Obviously the only things that can dammage any marriage are selfish acts, lack of consideration for one's partner and a filure to communicate, things that can happen to any marriage.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
"Racing" for a Cure
Yesterday I was honored to participate in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure here in St. Louis. I put racing in ""s in the title of this post because I definitely didn't race; I walked the 5k along with some 65,000 others. you can see pictures of the massive crowds here, courtesy of Ben Minoff. In case you don't know, the specific cure that is being sought out is a cure for breast cancer.
I walked with Greta's Group organized in memory of B'nai El member Greta Forsman by her daughter Jennifer Houser. The beautiful weather gave us a wonderful opportunity to remember Greta, her courage in the face of cancer and the wonderful person that she was.
It was truly an amazing day. To stand at the intersection of Olive and Jefferson and to see nothing but a seas of people stretching out to the east and west seemingly without end was an amazing sight to see. But even more inspiring were all of the individual tributes. As I waited at a pre-arranged intersection to meet my group, I saw so many different tributes, both "in celebration of" and in memory of. It was such a diverse crowd; people of every race, religious background and social/economic class were represented. All of them with at least one thing in common: a desire to defeat this terrible disease.
I know also that everyone has a story, from the group of African Americans all wearing the t-shirt of the same woman, to the young man in a racing wheelchair that simply had the words, "In Celebration of Mom" pinned to his back.
I know that my walking did little to actually find a cure for breast cancer, and my $25 registration did only a little. But I do hope that my presence, when taken as a part of the 65,000 people inspired a woman to fight even harder against the cancer, helped a family work through its grief, helped a survivor realize she is far from alone, or helped a research team know how many people stood behind their work and how important it was to every last one of the 65,000 people who came out to join the race for a cure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)